..bittersweet emotion

contagious..

i am contagious..

aahhh.. it's not a wonderful feeling.. in fact , its the worst feeling.

i'm sad.. obviously.. ive been blogging about how sad i am lately.
someone told me , i am emotional. yes, i am.

guilty.

i am emotional.
i feel a lot of things.
i'm not complaining though, i like to feel it.
life is like ..chalk.. without any feelings in it.

right now, i am just utterly sad..
i wanna go to bed and just lie there.
i dont wanna be with a lot of people, i feel like some sort of virus.
scared that if i am with normal happy people i might contaminate them with my virus.
virus=sadness.

aarrgghhh..sucks!

my heart is in ICU right now.
closely monitored , after being severely hit..crashed..and then broken!
hahahahhaa..funny! i am finding humor in this.

i dont also want to go out and drink and get drunk.. naahh.. that's too happy and too.. i dunno..
for now..yes, i must admit , i am pathetic.
i am wallowing .
i am feeling stupid.
i am sulking.
i am crying.
i am sad. super sad.

my heart is going through a lot.. but on the better side, my mind is still fine.
don't get me wrong , i am sad right now..but i am not wanting to die
nor wasting myself away. nor messing the life of the one who hurt me.
no.

i am sad. i know i am. it hurts. it sucks.
depressed . hurt and wounded.

but, i'm thinking .. in the 365 and 1/4 days in a year..how many days can i count that I have been sad.. ? can't remember how many ..
this is one of those days.. but its not all the 365 days..

i am emotional. and i will feel this sadness..
so that by the time I will be happy again, I will remember to treasure every minute of it.
ironically, i'm learning a lesson now..
a lesson in HUMILITY.

humble enough to accept the things I cant change and things I cant have....
Lord, give me strength to go on..
I know you are there, thank you..

now, another realization hit me.

the truest smile and happiness, comes from the survival of the most painful experience..


amen.

... another crazy noon.

saturday afternoon..

i feel so lousy.. just been crying the whole day and i dont even feel close to stopping..
it's so real..

ouch!

i cant stop crying.. i ask myself... is this bad?
i answer me.. yes, its this bad..

do u ever get that feeling that its just not right..
that you dont know what to do.., but do you really DONT know what to do?
or you just dont want to do it?

people keep on saying that it's ok.. i know that its gonna be ok..
but how come it just doesnt feel ok...?


people say that Im strong, i can do it..
i can get past this..
yeah, i know.. but at this point.. it just dont feel that much..


today is the present.. tomorrow is gonna be another day..
whatever happened to yesterday? ...lost in time..

screen is blurry.. tears are starting to fall again..
i wish there was a definite answer to the question.. " if you can go back in time, what would you change and why?"
everybody says "nothing, it was all mean to happen.."
was it really?

if it were, why are we sighing and wishing that we could go back to the past.?
why is that question even asked?


i got incubus playing ..

i still cant stop the tears.. i know i should.. but it just wont..
let it fall..


pardon me while i burst into flames..