.... a pleasing chaos

it's the middle of the work week.. technically,just one of the many days in a year. but! i refuse to let this be "just one of those days".
there is no occassion.no special memory associated with the date.maybe its the stubbborn streak in me that refuses to belong in the daily grind.

no no no no..

today, im feeling light..people around me says "im blooming!".
ohh, thank you! --i say. they ask "why?" i answer--" i just wanna feel beautiful"..
no, i dont have a boyfriend.no,i did not get a raise..and no, i did not get a car yet..
hahaha! today,i am feeling beautiful..i'll take that cliche-"love yourself".
im doing that right now.


with all the things going on, i want to take a break today.
let my mind be free. i want to think and talk about the things i like...
you call it narcissism?! well, why not?! it's not a bad thing to do once in a while..


i like things that are beautiful. and when i say beautiful not the one that comes together with the tag price, nor the one that goes together with the six-digit figure.

no, not that.

the classic beauty of a woman. the lines on the face that signifies maturity. the calloused hands of a man ,due to hard labor. the way a branch bends without falling on the ground which
can never be followed by any architecture. the form and flow of beauty, the silhouette, the shadow.. now, that is beauty.


i love chaos.
yes, i do. i love disorder, chaos. in its very meaning.the irregularities, the disrupt of order.the wonder of how something can be solved. the intricacies of the detail, how to arrange it. how to restore it to its previous form. the mystery behind the reason of the disruption, and the willingness to understand it.

yes, to me, chaos can be pleasing.

two very opposite things--beauty and chaos.
yes! i love it.
two opposite aspects, yet one needs the other to fullfill its meaning. it cant have its true sense, without feeling the other.
one must have to give way to the other.

chaos, in doing its meaning, makes the path for a new beginning.
a new start of something else. another form. another beauty in the making...

that is how i describe myself. two opposing forces. yet the two coincide.

i love myself for what i am able to do and for what i can't do.
i hate me , for not doing what im supposed to do and for wanting to understand complications.


yes, i am beautiful.

the very proof of...

a pleasing chaos